


Coming Home

by cymyguy



Series: 12 Days of Kagehina Christmas [10]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, Bars, Christmas, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Genderswap, Horses, Lesbians, Reunions, Small Towns, Texting, Volleyball, church, model Kageyama, rancher Hinata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 18:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17208770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cymyguy/pseuds/cymyguy
Summary: There was nothing to be nervous about, even though she hadn’t been back to her small home town in five years, hadn’t spoken to her parents until two weeks ago over the phone, and hadn’t even mentioned the place she was from since starting her modeling career two years ago. And none of that had been an accident.~continuing 12 Days of Kagehina Christmas, here are cowgirl lesbians





	Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> song: "Coming Home" - Sugarland  
> This is overtly set in America, though I didn’t change their names of course

Tobio was not nervous. There was nothing to be nervous about, even though she hadn’t been back to her small home town in five years, hadn’t spoken to her parents until two weeks ago over the phone, and hadn’t even mentioned the place she was from since starting her modeling career two years ago. And none of that had been an accident.

Her parents had picked her up at the airport two days ago. Tonight they had brought her to the gym to watch the volleyball match against Seijoh, the big regional rival. It would have been pure pleasure, if only she and her parents were the sole spectators. Tobio suspected that Shoyo Hinata’s sister would be about high school age now, and if she was, surely Shoyo would be in the gym somewhere, supporting her, maybe even from the coach’s bench.

Seeing Shoyo wouldn’t be an issue if it hadn’t been years since they talked, and she was still the only one Tobio had any inclination to see, even though _she_ was the one who ghosted Shoyo. Walking into the gym and catching sight of the familiar orange, and then even more familiar orange hair, was almost enough to make her dizzy. Then the girl turned, and Tobio saw enough of her face to confirm that it was not Shoyo, that she Tobio was not on the back line waiting to serve for Karasuno, and she could breathe again. Natsu Hinata wore the orange libero uniform opposite to her teammates’ black.

Tobio drug her eyes away to look for her parents. They had gone to the right, toward that side of bleachers. She told her feet to follow them, but she found she couldn’t take another step until her eyes had done a thorough search through this side of stands. Tobio knew too well what she was looking for to miss it.

Shoyo turned around, away from her group of friends and toward the door. Judging by the way her eyes blew open, Tobio had been spotted. Shoyo wore a ball cap, but she could still tell her orange curls were clipped short. She wore a vest over flannel, jeans and Timberland boots, and a hugely surprised smile. Tobio heard the voice.

“TOBIO!”

The redhead ran for her, full-out, and Tobio was comfortable enough with the sight to prepare herself for the near-tackle before she was hugged.

“Oh my gosh oh my _gosh_ , you’re here! They said you would be here, there was a rumor but everybody said you never would but I knew you would, I knew you were coming for real and you’re here!”

“Who’s they?” Tobio said. “Who said I never would?”

“Oh my gosh Tobio I—I—You look so great! You really do! Your parents, oh they must be so so happy, that you’re here! Everyone’s been dying to see you for ages and—Waaaahaaaaa I can’t believe it! Tobio!”

She recovered from Shoyo’s shaking enough to glance at the brown eyes.

“H—How have you been? Shoyo.”

“Good! Great! I’ve been—really—”

Then she grabbed her aggressively again, this time around the neck, and Tobio felt quivering and heard the sniffle. She pushed her off, horrified. Shoyo stood scowling through her tears.

“What are you doing?” Her voice quaked in almost, almost a laugh.

“It’s been _five_ years Tobio, sorry if I’ve felt some things in five years!”

She wiped her face with the back of her hand.

“Sit by me,” she commanded, pulling on her arm for good measure.

They sat down in the first empty section of the front row that she could find. It was a ways away from the people Shoyo had been with a minute ago. Shoyo held Tobio’s hands against her knees, as if it was necessary to keep her attention, and assaulted her with questions.

“Tobio! What’s it _like_? Being _famous_?”

“Huh? I’m not—a popstar or something.”

“You’ve _met_ popstars, you hang out with them all the time!”

“No I—”

“Yeah you do, and actresses and rappers and everyone. What’s it like going to all those amazing parties where everyone looks so crazy good and they have them in like beautiful places? Do you still get nervous meeting other celebrities or is it normal?”

“Only an idiot would get nervous, they’re just people,” she said. Shoyo’s warm hands were still holding hers, and she tried not to look down, because the blush was starting to creep into her cheeks.

“Who’s the nicest celebrity you’ve met? And who’s the hottest in real life? What parties are the best? Have you had the same stylist for all of them? Models have stylists right? How much do you pay them?”

She had to remove her hands to her own lap before she could say anymore.

“Um…I’ve had the same stylist since I debuted. She does most of the new people at the agency, but I asked her to keep helping me.”

Now Shoyo had planted her hands on Tobio’s leg and leaned into her space. Tobio forced herself to respond even as she flushed hotly.

“I don’t go to that many parties. I avoid them if I can.”

Shoyo laughed, close to her ear. “Tobio, of all the things to not change about yourself you choose that one?”

“It’s really not that exciting, it’s just a job like everyone has.”

“No it isn’t just a job!”

She finally stopped touching her, and Tobio felt her body temperature drop a few degrees.

“I see all the pictures of you with everyone in all your fancy dresses and the smoky makeup, normal people don’t have jobs like that. What’s your favorite part of your job?”

“Uh…” She shrugged.

“Oh come on, you’re being totally lame. I know your life is cool and I wanna hear you admit it! What’s the best kind of thing to work on, do you like runway or the perfume commercials or those sexy jean ads with that weird logo? You were in that music video too, was that—”

“I hated that.”

“Well what was your favorite? If you don’t have an answer you’re totally ungrateful,” she declared.

Tobio just looked at her, for a moment. It was hard to believe that Shoyo, with the ridiculous hair, the bright brown eyes, the nose freckles, was right there, and talking to her. And she was beaming like there was nothing to be forgiven.

“What is it?”

Tobio shook her head absently. “I like runway. There’s movement involved.”

“Oooowaa, runway’s cool, and you have the perfect grumpy face for that.”

She scowled and opened her mouth, but was interrupted by a sudden and shocking scream from Shoyo.

“NATSU NICE RECEIVE.”

Tobio looked onto the court. Karasuno had different uniforms, long-sleeved like college ones. But the colors looked the same under the lights. She turned back to Shoyo, who was looking at her, and the redhead sat back down.

“We had a lot of fun in this gym,” she said.

Tobio nodded. Then before her smirk had even reached full capacity, Shoyo burst:

“I know what you’re going to say, how ironic it is that my sister’s the libero when according to you my receiving wasn’t worth crap.”

“Watching you must have motivated her. She obviously uses her time wisely.”

“Oh shut up.” But she was grinning. “Hey, speaking of volleyball, you did great in college. You could’ve gone pro, right?”

Her scowl returned, and she averted her eyes.

“But you chose modeling instead. Why?”

She shrugged, and apparently it was enough to tell Shoyo she didn’t want to talk about it, because she promptly changed the subject.

Thanks to Shoyo, Tobio didn’t notice how so many people were looking her way, as the news ran through the whole gym. She didn’t even notice how close some people came to approaching and speaking to her. Shoyo so thoroughly engaged her that none of them found an opportunity to interrupt it. There was the volleyball too, that soon took command of their attention. Natsu charged the net to pick up a diving serve. They stood up at the same time.

“NICE PASS.”

They looked at each other. Shoyo grinned, and Tobio smirked.

When the game was over, they had to talk about it. That’s what they had always done. But far too soon a friend of the redhead’s was coming up to ask something of Shoyo, and Tobio had to bury her nose in her phone to avoid any introduction. She had a message from her mother.

M: We already took off, so can you get a ride home from Shoyo maybe?

When she couldn’t help but raise her eyes, Shoyo’s dad was there, grinning beside his daughter.

“How are you?”

She nodded. “Good. How are you, sir?”

Shoyo snorted behind her hand.

“I’m doing well.”

Her dad held out his hand. Tobio shook it.

“Congratulations on all your success, Tobio.”

She nodded again. “Thank you…”

“Let’s take you to Mom too,” Shoyo said, grabbing her arm.

“Better share her with your sister too, Sho,” he called.

Her mom had grown her brown hair down to her shoulders. Shoyo called to her, she turned, and was already smiling even as her eyes widened in surprise. Tobio suddenly felt more shy than she should; Shoyo’s mother had always been especially thoughtful to her. She cocked her head at Tobio.

“Aren’t you gorgeous.”

She still knew her well enough not to hug her. She just patted her arm.

“How are you? Enjoying your work? Proud of yourself?”

Tobio smiled a little at the floor. “I’m fine.”

She felt herself held by the shoulders, and looked up as Shoyo’s mother eyed her.

“You look in good health,” she said.

“Um, you too.”

She laughed her soft laugh and let go.

“Better take her to see Natsu,” she said to Shoyo. “If you’re okay with that, Tobio. We don’t mean to have her show you off.”

“I’m not doing that!” said Shoyo. “That’s exactly what Natsu’s going to do if I take her over there though, to all her little friends.”

“The girls played hard today, don’t you think they deserve to meet an idol? Think of when you two were that age.”

Shoyo looked at her. “Um, would you mind it very much? Natsu really will kill me if she doesn’t get to see you after I did.”

A friend of her mother’s swooped in then, grabbing the attention.

“Your daughter played so good.”

“Thank you,” said Shoyo’s mom.

The friend turned too fast to Tobio, making obvious her real object.

“Well well, this is a surprise! Tobio Kageyama, I don’t remember the last time I saw you in town.”

“Yeah, she’s just here to see her parents for Christmas.”

And Shoyo pulled her away. The stream of exiting people swept them past the locker room, and Shoyo broke them free there. They were standing next to the door when Coach Ukai came out of it.

“Coach!” Shoyo chirped, at the same time as Tobio said:

“Coach.”

She looked up. Then she smiled a little.

“Kageyama.”

She walked up to them.

“You still do the same job,” Tobio said.

“You don’t, from what I hear.”

She shook her head.

“It’s good to see you,” said Keishin.

“You too.”

“Coach,” said Shoyo, “Could you tell Natsu to come out here before she showers and everything? If you have to,” she grumbled, “Tell her that Tobio Kageyama’s here with me.”

Keishin sighed and turned to open the door back up. A roar of screeches and laughter blasted through. It was somehow so familiar to Tobio, even though it was so far in the past.

Apparently Coach had found it necessary to tell her, because Natsu came flying through the door with a wild look in her eyes. She stopped dead and stared. Then she lit up.

“Tobio!”

Natsu threw herself into her, then jerked back in a hurry.

“Oh my gosh I’m all sweaty I’m sorry! Sorry!”

“You played well,” Tobio said.

Natsu laughed and squealed at once, shaking her hands up and down like she had pompoms. She hugged Tobio, a quick one around the waist.

“Oh my gosh I have to get my friends. They’ll want your autograph. You should sign one of the balls too, for good luck. Wait, but, we have to take pictures with you!”

“Natsu,” said her sister, “She’s not here to—”

“Can you take pictures with us?” She looked up at Tobio. “Please? Um, is it okay? Just a few. We’ll behave! Not like crazy fanboys or something. I promise.”

Tobio nodded.

“Coach!”

Keishin looked up wearily from her clipboard.

“Can Tobio come into the locker room for pictures with us?”

“You’ll have to ask everyone if it’s alright for her to come into your space.”

She nodded. Then she pointed at Shoyo.

“Don’t take her away.”

She ran back into the locker room. Tobio immediately felt hands latch onto her arm.

“Tobio, listen to me, if we don’t go now we might never escape. Are you sure about this?”

“It’s fine. They’re just kids.”

“Okay, but it’s on your hands now, I’m not responsible.”

“Hey, um, my parents—They already left, so—I know it’s the opposite side of town but—”

“You need a ride?” she practically shouted. “No problem! Sure, I’ll take you home.”

Tobio opened her mouth to say thank you, but Natsu had come back, accompanied by two friends, and a third that peered from the door but came no closer.

“Tobio,” Natsu said, “We’re all sweaty and we don’t look good right now, so would it be okay if we shower and change first before pictures?”

“Natsu come on,” said Shoyo, “She’s on vacation and she’s agreed to do you a favor, can’t you just get on with it?”

“Look at us,” she cried, “Our faces are all red and our hair’s all messed up, you wouldn’t want to take a picture with a model when you look like this, would you Shoyo?”

They glared at each other.

“You look like volleyball players,” Tobio said. “What’s bad about that?”

Shoyo looked at Tobio. Then she turned back to her sister and smirked.

“Coach,” said Natsu, “Can we borrow some markers?”

Keishin kicked her bag toward her. “Take whatever you want. The sooner you get on with this the sooner I can lock up.”

“We won’t be long,” Shoyo said, as the teens led them into the locker room.

The girls gave a cheer at the sight of her. Tobio had done fan signings before, but usually she was out with her roommate or paired with one of the other girls from the agency. All the attention on her was a little nerve-wracking. She posed with one or two or three girls, and signed some homework assignments and tshirts. Shoyo was being louder than all the teens, chattering about her favorite of Tobio’s projects. The girls named their favorite ads that she had featured in, and it was impossible not to blush when one girl opened her locker to show off the magazine page she had taped inside it among her BTS and volleyball pictures.

“I can’t _believe_ a supermodel’s in our locker room—”

“I can’t believe the Freak Duo’s in our locker room, together!”

“Omg, yes!”

Tobio turned quickly and locked eyes with Shoyo, who seemed equally surprised. Then she smiled. Tobio looked away.

After the impromptu photo session, Tobio waited with Shoyo and her mom until Natsu came out. She walked right up to her sister.

“Are you going with Tobio?”

“Just to drop me off at home,” Tobio said.

Shoyo shot her a look, as Natsu went on.

“I want to ride with you too. You can drop me off when we go back through town, Shoyo.”

“Don’t you have homework to do?” she grumped.

“Why should you get to have her all to yourself?”

“I don’t—I’m not having her all to myself, she’s not here to see me. It’s just a ride home.”

“Can’t you give me a ride home too?”

“Mom, can you just take her?” Shoyo said.

“I bet _Tobio_ doesn’t care if I come.”

“Tobio just wants to go home!”

Tobio snorted, and they all looked at her.

“You’re 24 and you still fight with your sister?”

Their mom laughed.

Shoyo glared a little at her. “It’s what sisters do, why does it matter how old I am?”

“I thought you would’ve matured a little.”

“You don’t have a sister, Tobio, so you don’t know.”

“So I’m going with you guys then.” Natsu smiled. “I’ll see you later Mom.”

Shoyo rolled her eyes, but the three of them headed out together, and Shoyo drove them west of town.

“Oh my gosh Tobio, you’re like so famous now!” said Natsu. “You had a really good year on runway, so everyone recognizes your face now when they see you. You’re really awesome.”

She couldn’t think of a reply. Shoyo laughed at her face.

“Did you like working with Daishou in his video?” said Natsu.

“He’s a dick. Um, you don’t have to tell anyone I said that, it’s just my opinion,” Tobio said.

The redheads giggled.

“I’ve never liked him,” said Shoyo.

“Who’s the best person to work with?” said Natsu. “Do you have a favorite photographer?”

“There’s a few I like to work with if I can.”

“Can I touch your hair?”

“Natsu what the heck?”

“What, _you_ don’t want to touch it?”

“That’s just crossing a line.”

“It’s no different than it’s always been,” Tobio said.

“But you’re rich now so you get to use fancy oils and shampoos and stuff right?”

“Natsu it’s rude to talk about money.”

“Not with people who have lots of it. Right Tobio?”

“Um, well, a lot of my clothes are free samples…”

“You get to keep the clothes?!”

“Sometimes.”

“Thanks for taking pictures with us, by the way,” Natsu said. “My friends didn’t think I should ask you, since you’re on vacation and celebrities don’t like to be bothered by random people.”

“Your friends were right,” said her sister.

“But you’re not like a celebrity, you’re the same as always. It’s cool that you played college volleyball, I bet no other model has done that.”

“I’m not sure,” she said.

“Shoyo watched every game of yours,” Natsu said, “On your school’s website, where they posted all the videos.”

Tobio glanced back at her smirking face, then looked at Shoyo. It was too dark in the cab to see much, but Shoyo seemed to fidget.

“She watched all of them and checked your stats all the time and stuff. She had no life after she graduated.”

“Natsu, I can drop you off wherever I want, you know.”

She stuck out her tongue, then smiled at Tobio.

“How has your season been so far?” Tobio said.

“We’re six and one! Seijoh will be better the next time we play them, they always are, but we will be too so I think we’ll win again.”

“Did you play libero in junior high too?”

“Mhm. Remember when you would come to our house and make Shoyo practice passing, and I would play sometimes? I guess it’s my favorite because of that. Do you play volleyball anymore?”

“No.”

“But you still work out, don’t you? Don’t you have to?”

“Yeah. It’s different than training for a sport, though.”

“Which kind do you like better?” said Shoyo.

“Sports training.”

“Tobio have you been to California?”

“Like 20 times.”

“And you’ve been to Tokyo right? How about London?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think you’ll ever cut your hair short? Are you allowed to?”

“I’d like to, but it would probably affect the kind of jobs I could get.”

“That’s stupid,” said Shoyo. “Don’t you have control over your appearance at all?”

“The more it can be changed and worked with, the easier it is to get jobs,” said Tobio.

“What did you do for the Christmases when you weren’t with your parents, Tobio?” said Natsu. “Were you with friends?”

“Sometimes.”

“You were never alone, were you?” Shoyo shot her a hard look.

“How long of a vacation do you get?” said her sister.

“I’m not sure, the agency hasn’t called me about scheduling yet.”

“What do you want to do next year? Do you have any resolutions?”

“Um, not really. Do you?”

“She wrote about two dozen of them,” said Shoyo, “Then wrote a bunch for _me_. Let’s not get into it.”

“Do you have your own car, or do you get driven everywhere?” said Natsu.

“I drive.”

“Do you ever get driven?”

“Only if there’s a larger group of us.”

“Did you miss your parents while you were at college and working and stuff? Is it lonely sometimes?”

She shrugged. “I’m busy, so…”

“So you don’t notice? Is that why you didn’t come for so long?”

“Um…”

“Were they happy to see you, or were they mad? Was it a surprise?”

“No, I called to ask if—if I could come. I didn’t know if they’d be mad.”

“Tobio, of course they wouldn’t,” said Shoyo. “Why would they not want you to come?”

“Did you fly here?” said Natsu. “How long did it take?”

“Like five hours.”

“You talk kind of different now.” She was smiling at her. “Is it so you fit in more?”

“I don’t talk different.”

“You do actually,” Shoyo laughed. “Did they make fun of your accent in college?”

“I don’t have an accent. And I talk the same.”

“You don’t, though.”

“No, you don’t,” said Natsu.

“Whatever,” she snapped.

“Tobio have you been on any hot dates? Have you made out with any famous people at those parties you go to?”

“We’re here,” Shoyo announced. “We’ll see you soon, right Tobio?”

“Okay. Bye.”

She got out of the truck. Suddenly Shoyo was cranking the radio and getting out after her.

“Hey, where are you going?” Natsu squeaked.

Shoyo ran around the front of the car.

“Wait Tobio—”

She smashed into her and almost knocked their heads together.

“Oh, sorry! You’re still right there, sorry.”

Tobio could see her grin thanks to the headlights.

“Hey, um, are you—are you going to be free tomorrow at all?”

Tobio shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Oh, okay! Good. Because, um, there’s this Christmas trail ride thing I put together near our farm, and I was thinking we could hang out again and I could take you through it, if that sounds cool. If, you know—” She cocked an eyebrow, turning her smile to evil. “You can even ride a horse anymore.”

Tobio narrowed her eyes. “You actually think I can’t?”

Then Shoyo grinned, and she grinned too, and they stood there stupidly grinning for a moment.

“Okay, so tomorrow?” Shoyo said. “After dark, and after you have time for dinner with your family.”

Tobio had no response to that.

“I can invite some other people you know,” she said. “Like from high school. Yu’s still around, and Koushi, Koushi’s married now and next summer she’ll be having her first baby! And I could invite Chikara, she’s home for the holidays—”

“I don’t want to see them.”

Shoyo blinked at her, and she quickly added:

“Not yet. Just—for now—”

“Okay,” Shoyo smiled, “For now it’ll just be us.”

And she didn’t seem mad about it. She seemed equally pleased.

 

At 7:30 she drove her mom’s SUV up the long driveway to the Hinata farmhouse. Shoyo was out in the yard, doing what Tobio didn’t know, but she looked up at the sound of the car and waved and jogged toward her.

“I didn’t know what time,” Tobio said when she got out. “If you were waiting long, it’s your own fault.”

Shoyo laughed. “Well _that’s_ nothing new. You had perfect timing, I’ve got everything ready. I’ll drive us down there, if you hop in the truck.”

She led her to an old red beater on the other side of the drive. Tobio tried to adjust her clothing as she went, to match the redhead’s casual look. As she slid into the passenger seat, she got a flutter of excitement for which she scolded herself; she had ridden with Shoyo last night, this wasn’t a big deal. Certainly not big enough for nerves. Shoyo pulled out and they started down the gravel road in the opposite direction Tobio had come.

“I closed the trail for tonight,” Shoyo said, “To make sure it’s just us. Everyone in town’s probably seen it by now, so no one would come anyway, but.”

“Are the horses…”

“I already brought them down there, they’re waiting. Honey and Rico.” She smiled. “Rico you wouldn’t remember, but you know Honey, right?”

“She’s only all you talked about sophomore year.”

“Well can you blame me? She’s an awesome horse. She’s really gone white though, you might not recognize her.”

Quiet.

“Your parents—sold all the horses, right?”

“I didn’t know until I came,” Tobio said.

“Aww, so you didn’t get to say goodbye to Mikasa?”

She didn’t need to speak to answer.

They drove a few more minutes, then Shoyo pulled into an approach.

“Here we are!” She shut off the truck. “From this side the valley blocks most of the lights, pretty clever of me, huh?”

“I never have and never will use that word to describe you.”

“Excuse me—”

Tobio got out, and Shoyo followed. The horses were saddled and tethered to a post, quietly snuffling at the frozen ground. Shoyo told her to take Honey, and walked around to the dark brown horse. Tobio went to the formerly yellow one, slowly, shrunk into herself and only half extending her arm as she offered her hand. The horse huffed air into her palm. Then Tobio petted her and admired; she’d forgotten how cool horses were. She loved their eyes and lashes, and how their cheeks felt under her hand.

It took a very short time to convince Shoyo that Honey remembered her friend perfectly. She untethered the two horses, got up onto Rico, and told Tobio to hurry up. She pretended Shoyo wasn’t watching as she slipped her foot into the stirrup and swung one leg over, but she still blushed her way through it, wearing a focused frown as she settled herself. Shoyo urged her horse toward the entrance to the trail, which was lit up by an archway of white lights. Honey followed automatically, but Tobio still fretted and tried not to look anxious as they started down the trail.

There was a bend just twenty yards down it, and they came around and saw the first display, a pole with dozens of light strings coming from the top to the ground, so that it looked like a tree. She looked at Shoyo, who was smiling at her but looked away. They rode on.

“Are you sure you’re dressed warm enough?”

Tobio was about to add that to her list of concerns, until she saw the little teasing smirk on Shoyo’s face.

“The valley blocks all the wind, and the temperature’s not that cold by itself.”

“I didn’t know we would be in a valley,” Tobio said, “You didn’t tell me.”

“Well, gosh, you could’ve texted me? Called me? Called my dad? You would’ve known these things if you asked, Tobio.”

She tightened her lips at the mention of texting, and silently loosened her scarf. She pushed her stocking cap farther from her eyes and popped open a few buttons on her mom’s Columbia. They came to the next display, candy canes lining the road like a bridge, taller than Tobio even sitting on the horse. A little farther ahead she could see the giant outline of a bell in gold, with red lights for a bow on top. Then she looked at Shoyo, and saw in her posture and the position of her mouth that the redhead had picked up on her stubborn quiet.

“Are your parents still on the farm?” Tobio said.

Maybe Shoyo was really grown up. She was 24 after all. Maybe she lived completely independently. Tobio hadn’t considered it, and the thought was very strange.

“Just my dad. My mom moved into town to keep doing her accounting, after they got divorced.”

“What? They—They’re divorced?”

“For three years.”

Tobio nodded, quickly, meaning to move along and not force her to dwell on something painful. “Sorry.”

“It’s harder for Natsu, because she’s younger. But I was in the house with them, so it was hard for me to watch, too.”

Tobio’s mouth felt dry.

“But they knew it was best for them. So I wouldn’t want them to go back on it.”

“Yeah…”

“The saddest part,” said Shoyo, “Is that they haven’t started seeing other people, so it’s like all they wanted was to make it work but they just can’t. It just—doesn’t anymore. I don’t know.”

Tobio nodded again. She hadn’t dared look to see if Shoyo looked at her as she talked. She didn’t want to be the one breaking the silence anymore, at risk of stumbling upon another subject which would be painful for the other girl.

They rode up to a Santa and sleigh. The reindeer were in white lights and portrayed as if just taking off from the ground, each a little higher than the one before, sticking out over the trail.

“This one was a real pain, it took me freaking forever to get the angles right.”

“Did you have help with this?”

“No, I wanted to do it on my own. I started in August. I did the bobcat, the welding, the woodwork, all myself.”

“Welding?” Tobio blinked.

“Yeah, welding,” she laughed. “Our school had a class for it.”

“I didn’t take shop classes.”

“I know, because you’ve always been a city slicker even though you grew up in the country.”

“Wha—I am not.”

“Oh yeah?” she grinned. “Wanna have a horse race?”

She gritted her teeth. “Yes.”

Shoyo laughed again. “It wouldn’t be fair anyway, there’s no way Honey can keep up with Rico.”

They rode a wide, quiet curve, until Tobio’s eyes were dazzled by a bright LED blue. She sucked in a big breath as a smile crept at the corners of her mouth. They were snowflakes, a dozen as big as her head, set on timers to give the illusion that they were falling toward the ground.

“I like blue.”

“I know you do, that’s like all you wore in high school,” Shoyo said.

Tobio had unconsciously put pressure on the reins, and Honey stopped her slow walk. Shoyo stopped Rico too, as Tobio continued to look at the snowflakes. Shoyo had made these with her own hands, for someone else’s enjoyment. Tobio never did things like that. She didn’t know how it felt.

When she realized they had stopped, she looked at Shoyo, who nudged Rico with her heels and snapped her tongue at Honey. They moved on, but Tobio didn’t speak.

“Why so thoughtful?”

“Everything’s slow here,” Tobio said. “It’s a good break.”

In the blackness between light fixtures she couldn’t really make out Shoyo’s face, but she knew she was looking at her.

“Are you overworking yourself?”

“No. My job’s just fast, that’s how it is. It—didn’t feel like I was gone that long.”

“I guess that’s the advantage of going fast.”

Tobio was glad she couldn’t see her face now, because she heard something in the remark. Honey sneezed and shook her head violently, causing Tobio to hunch over and squeeze hard with her knees. Shoyo laughed. They passed more lights.

“Tobio? Can I ask you the thing I really want to ask you?”

Her gut clenched.

“Kay,” she coughed out.

“Why didn’t you go pro? You definitely did well enough to, I know that. You didn’t—didn’t even want to try it for a year or something? That used to be all you thought about.”

“When I was seventeen, yeah. People grow up, Shoyo.”

“So when you grew up, what changed? That’s what I’m asking.”

She exhaled silently, focusing hard on Honey’s mane.

“I finished college and I felt satisfied.”

“Satisfied? That—That just doesn’t sound like you. At all!”

“Well that’s what happened,” she snapped. “I don’t have an answer for why.”

“Okay, that’s fine. You answered.”

There was a snowman to the right of them, timed so that he moved and took off his top hat in greeting.

“The kids really like this one.”

Tobio wished right then that she was a kid, so it would be acceptable to smile bigger, and oo quietly. She wished she didn’t have anxieties and a tendency to be defensive. She was here with Shoyo, it was a waste of their time.

“Do you hang out with all the same people then? Everyone who’s still around?” said Tobio.

“Yeah, and some people bring back their partners or get married and come back, so I have some new friends too.” She nodded with a smile. “And me and Natsu still do a lot of things together even though she’s a pain in the butt most of the time.”

“I thought you’d probably be coaching by now,” Tobio said.

“Oh!” She laughed. “Well, don’t tell anyone else, but Ukai has been thinking about retiring one of these years, and I have been—um—We meet up a lot, to talk about things, and she’s been teaching me, so that when she goes the program will be in good hands.”

“Oh. Nice. And you’re going to—stay on the farm?”

“Yeah. Probably.”

The trail was slanting back up as they approached the main road. Tobio could see the red exit arch. There were real trees and bushes here, that Shoyo had covered in lights. The valley opened up on the right side, and here was a manger scene, with a gold star, green-clad shepherds, silver-robed wisemen, and three camels, a donkey, sheep and cows grazing nearby. There were angels along the rest of the path, up to the arch. They went through it, and there was the pickup a dozen yards away.

“That’s all.”

Shoyo hopped off her horse, but Tobio hadn’t ridden in so long that she didn’t want to get off.

“It’s really—Um—You did a good job.”

She grinned. “Thanks. Supermodels are kind of hard to impress, I bet, so I’m glad you like it.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m _not_ a supermodel. Tooru Oikawa is a supermodel. I’m not like her at all.”

“Oh yeah, Tooru…So, then, is it true, all that gossip about you guys?”

She scowled. “What gossip?”

“Well, just, in the news and stuff, or like, on the internet, I would see how you guys had a feud or you didn’t come to each other’s parties or someone had said something mean about the other girl—”

“I’ve never done anything to her. I don’t like her, and she hates me, so I don’t talk to her and she only does to tease me.”

“So…true?”

She shook her head. “I don’t talk behind her back, and she says all the condescending stuff to my face. People blow it out of proportion to make news stories. We just don’t work together much if we can help it.”

“Oh, I see. Natsu will want to know that, she’s always concerned about it. She’s like a huge fan, you know. Not as huge as me, of course,” she smiled. “She gets all the teen magazines that you’re in. Is it weird to see yourself in magazines?”

She shrugged. “Lots of people are in magazines, so no.”

“Right, and you were in the paper all the time for volleyball.”

“So were you.”

“Pfff, only if you were in the picture too!”

“You’re still not over that?”

“Well how am I supposed to be when you’re literally on billboards now? And will you get off my horse, she’s tired of you!”

“Um—Well can she go again? If we—Can we go around again?”

She cocked her head. “Oh. Well actually, I had planned something else that we could do.”

“What?”

“Did you have fun in college?” she said.

“You know I hate school.”

“No, no, I mean _fun_ fun.”

She wore a wicked little grin.

 

They took the horses home, and Shoyo’s dad offered to take care of them so that the girls could head into town. Shoyo was taking her to the bar, which would be much more lively than usual since it was Friday night and there was a band playing.

“Now, just to prepare you, I’ll tell you this isn’t going to be anything like the afterparties you’re used to.”

“Obviously.”

“And I didn’t tell you beforehand because I knew you’d come dressed like a million bucks and you don’t need to make that much effort for a place like this.”

“I’m not stupid, I wouldn’t call up a designer and ship in a dress to go to a place that serves Blue Ribbon.”

Shoyo laughed. “Well I was just going off of what I know from high school, and before you ‘grew up’ you might have done something like that.”

She rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

“Also, I’m sure you’re used to it, but the guys will all try to hit on you. They still hit on me even though they’ve known for years now I’m a lesbian. And some of them are big and kind of scary, but I’ll stick close so you don’t have to worry.”

“You’re going to protect me from big scary aggressive men?”

She scowled. “What are you trying to say?”

Tobio snorted. “Okay.”

Shoyo parked on the other side of the street and led her inside. When they came in, and Shoyo called a greeting to Saeko behind the bar, the place went quiet, except for the band that continued to play and one man who wolf whistled. Suddenly all the talking was in low rumbles. “Who are you?” Tobio heard distinctly from the right. But she didn’t turn her head, only followed Shoyo to two empty stools.

It was apparently too much to ask that they get their drinks first. Tobio was already being approached before Saeko could reach them. Shoyo spun around on her stool before the man could address Tobio.

“Back it up, alright, it’s girls’ night out.”

“Well that’s no excuse to be rude, is it? Introduce us to your gal pal then.”

“This is Tobio, Tobio this is Tetsurou, say goodbye.”

She didn’t say anything. The man gave Shoyo a lazy smile, and a wink.

“Let me know if you run out of cash, and girls’ night is on me.”

“Thank you and goodbye.”

“It’s always girls’ night for us,” Tobio said when he was gone.

“Huh?” She laughed. “What do you mean?”

“Because we’re gay, dumbass.”

“Ohhh, yeah, I guess we could’ve said you were too. But guys are weird about lesbians, that might make them even more creepy.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Tobio,” she gasped. “Just because we’re in a bar doesn’t mean you should use that language.”

“I’m saying that it’s always girls’ night because we’re both gay, Shoyo. I’m telling you that I’m a lesbian.”

“Oh—Oh! But—But you never said, I mean I didn’t—When we were in school—”

“When we were in school I didn’t have—I wasn’t as bold as you. And I wasn’t that sure.”

“But in all your interviews, in all the articles and with all the fans asking you, there was never any news about you—your sexuality. Doesn’t anybody know?”

“Why would I tell _them_?” Tobio said. “It’s none of their business. I can tell you, you’re my—You’re—I know you, at least. And you’re not going to use it to make money.”

“Were you going to say I’m your friend, Tobio? Or your best friend?”

She was looking skeptical.

“Well maybe not now,” she said, “But you’re the only friend I’ve had.”

“What? Of course I’m not! Everyone on the whole volleyball team was your friend, except Kei, and you had friends in school too. _And_ , you share your apartment with Keiji Akaashi, and you hang out with other models and with actresses and singers all the time. You have friends, lots of friends!”

“You don’t know any of those people you see in pictures with me, you don’t know if they’re my friends,” Tobio said. “Keiji’s cool, but she’s busy with work and her boyfriend and all the other friends she keeps up with, so I—stay out of the way.”

“Tobio, that’s not—”

“I know lots of people.” She looked away from Shoyo’s scowl. “We work together a lot and get invited to the same things, so it might seem like we’re always together, but we’re not—buddies. They’d say the same thing if you asked them about me.”

“Well that’s just great to know, Tobio,” she almost shouted. “Thanks for making me good and depressed about your work-life balance on a Friday night. I think I’ll have a drink now.”

Since Saeko couldn’t get to them, Shoyo went to her. Upon her leave-taking, it was necessary that her spot become immediately occupied by another. A farm boy in flannel and a tshirt leaned his elbow on the bar, mouth curled in a smile at her. Tobio moved disinterested eyes back to the band on the stage; now that Shoyo had gotten annoyed with her, she wouldn’t have anyone on her side.

“You’re not from around here.”

“I used to be.”

“Can I get you a beer?”

“I have to drive my friend home.” She pointed, still keeping her eyes away.

“I could drive you both home.”

Then he turned around, and Tobio saw that Shoyo had tapped him on the shoulder.

“I was sitting there, do you mind moving?”

“I’ll trade you,” the guy said. He took one of the drinks from Shoyo’s hand. “You can go sit over there.” He turned and set the drink in front of Tobio.

“Please don’t piss me off, okay?” Shoyo said. “I haven’t seen this girl in five years and I wanna have a good time with her.”

“You have to have her all to yourself to do that?”

Shoyo met his eyes and hitched her thumb over her shoulder. The man rolled his eyes, but he got up, and after Shoyo sat down, he seemed defeated enough and left. Tobio watched her friend anxiously, wanting to confirm her loyalty. Shoyo looked at her, and seemingly couldn’t help but smile. They turned to face their drinks on the bar.

“You know when my mom made that comment about you looking healthy?” Shoyo said. “We’re glad you do, because we’ve all been worried about if you have an eating disorder or something like that. I know there’s so much pressure at your job—I mean, I don’t know, but I can imagine it, that they want you to stay exactly the same even though it’s just a natural thing to gain weight and change shape and stuff as you age. Not that you haven’t aged well, or that you’re not, or that you’ve even started aging yet at all, I’m just saying I know you have to be a certain kind of beautiful to do your job, but people are still beautiful without looking like that. You’ll still be a crazy beautiful woman no matter how you change.”

Tobio stared as she brushed a tear off her cheek.

“How many drinks have you had already?”

She slammed her glass. “This is my first one! I just want you to keep taking care of yourself, okay, sorry to burden you with my friendly concern.”

“Shut up.”

She took a drink, and Shoyo did the same.

“How’s the alcohol in New York?”

“Most of it tastes like shit, but it goes down nice.”

Shoyo smiled and wagged her eyebrows.

The redhead started a game of naming celebrities, to which Tobio would reply if she had met them. As long as it was entertaining to her friend, Tobio didn’t mind, and would have been content to keep going and going, but they were interrupted. Another guy in flannel, this one already drunk, swaggered up to them.

“Where have I seen you before?”

“I grew up here,” Tobio said curtly.

“Nah, I’ve seen you on—Ahh—On the TV, or something.”

“She’s a model,” Shoyo said. Tobio whipped her head over and glared.

The man put his hand on the bar to steady himself.

“What’s your name again?”

Shoyo answered:

“Tooru Oikawa.”

“No shit.” The man grinned. “I’ve got your pinup. Nice!”

He held up his hand. Tobio high-fived it without enthusiasm. Then the guy left.

“You ass.”

Shoyo laughed. “What? Now you can tell Tooru that Bud-drinking rednecks keep her pinups!”

She smirked as Shoyo finished her drink and shook off her pucker. She looked at her again.

“Okay Tobio, level with me. You say you’re not friends with your roommate. But you do think she’s cool. Have you ever thought, that if you told her she was cool to her face, she might become your friend? People like people who appreciate them.”

“She doesn’t need anymore friends,” Tobio said.

“How did you become roommates in the first place if you’re not friends?”

“She heard I was looking for a place, and apparently she didn’t have a roommate yet, so she offered.”

“So she obviously thought you were cool enough to share her home with. I bet she _wanted_ you as a friend, but you’re so cold and unresponsive that she thinks you’re stuck up now and don’t like her.”

“This is sounding a lot like your high school lectures. I don’t need her to be my friend.”

“You need friends Tobio! I know you’ve always thought you don’t but you do. People do, and you’re a person. Gosh, you stress me out and you’re not even around me anymore!”

Saeko dropped off another drink and Shoyo gave her a thumbs up.

“Is Keiji what you would call a model, or a supermodel?” she said.

“Well she acts like a model, but she could definitely be a supermodel.”

“I’ve seen some of her stuff. She posts way more than you.”

“It’s probably in her contract.”

“Or maybe she just has a healthy sense of sociability. Does she know you’re a lesbian?”

“If she did I don’t think she’d try on her lingerie in front of me before she goes to her boyfriend’s.”

Shoyo stared, jaw dropped. “Holy shit,” she said softly.

“You shouldn’t talk that way even though we’re at a bar, Shoyo.”

“Hey I had good reason to swear, you’ve seen Keiji Akaashi in lingerie in person. Is she a ten?”

Tobio raised a brow.

“Oh gosh, Tobio, is she a ten?”

“The numbering system doesn’t do her justice.”

“Oh shit.” She bowed her head against the bar. “Wait, wait wait.” She sat up. “She tries it on in front of you, like, to ask you how it looks?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s with that?” she crowed. “How is your life even real? What did _you_ do to deserve such a blessing from the lesbian goddesses? What I get is my sister stealing my makeup and hogging the bathroom.”

Before Tobio could snark back, there was some ruckus behind them.

“You’re a fucking man, aren’t you? Come on!”

A bottle broke against the wall. Three men were standing, two at the same table. One swept everything off it as he walked around to get in the other man’s face. There was swearing and the hasty scrape of chairs as people got out of the way. Tobio pressed her back to the bar, wondering where to hide. But Shoyo, she jumped off her stool and marched across the room.

“Hey!”

It carried to them, and they looked over, blinking as she approached.

“Can’t you stop being assholes, it’s almost Christmas!”

“Little Red’s got the right idea,” said another man, and patted her shoulder with his large hand.

Red? Tobio didn’t know what the hell was going on, was Shoyo part of a local biker gang?

“Otherwise, please take it outside,” Shoyo said in her regular voice.

For a moment there wasn’t any noise. Then the band started to tune back up. One of the men, still glaring, walked out. The other sat down. Tobio quickly shut her mouth when Shoyo turned around, smiling at her and about to come back. Then her eyes narrowed and her lip pouted out, so Tobio looked to her right and saw the man who had sat down on that side of her. Shoyo stomped over.

“Tobio—” She stopped in front of her, smiling sweetly, turning her chin a little into her shoulder. “Can I buy you another drink?”

“You should, since you finished off my first yourself.”

“Did I? Sorry, I guess I didn’t—” She smoothed her face back into coolness. “No problem.”

Shoyo raised her hand to Saeko, who nodded. Then she stepped up next to Tobio and put her hand on her back. Tobio leaned automatically away from the touch, but Shoyo’s hand stayed there, slipping slowly down her side and then off. Without a word, the guy next to her left. Shoyo hopped happily onto her stool. Tobio gave her a look, but she only rested her elbow on the bar and leaned into her space, giving another of those too-sweet smiles.

“What are you doing?” Tobio said.

“Getting them to leave us alone. So act like you’re into me.”

“I’m not an actress.”

Shoyo’s little hand reached for her, and she played with a piece of her dark hair, twisting it around her finger. Tobio stared hard, heat rising in her cheeks.

“Wow, you really are gay.”

“Dumbass.”

Saeko set down the next drink. Shoyo smiled and slid it to Tobio.

“Here you go.”

Tobio took a sip, eyeing her. “Thanks.”

She grinned. Then she slipped off her stool and leaned on the bar.

“Are we leaving soon?”

“Are we?” Tobio said.

Shoyo moved again, maneuvering around her stool to put her hands on the bar on either side of Tobio. Her arms were so short that they were almost chest to chest.

“What happens after that?” Shoyo said.

Tobio glanced around the room full of men staring at them.

“You said get them to leave us alone, not give them all boners,” she said.

Her face bloomed pink and she recoiled. “Yeah. Ah, sorry—I—You wanna go now?”

“Yeah, here.”

She handed over her drink, and Shoyo downed it. She paid, and Tobio led her out to the SUV. Shoyo laughed over nothing for the few blocks to her mom’s house, where Tobio dropped her off. She waved, smiling over her shoulder, as she went inside.

 

Tobio couldn’t sleep. There was no reason she shouldn’t be able to, and that pissed her off enough to further hinder the pursuit of rest. It was only 11 now, their girls’ night hadn’t even been a late one. But she had nothing else to do, she had to go to sleep.

Well…

She pulled out her phone. It was an hour later there, so maybe she shouldn’t. She knew Keiji always had her phone on silent, though, so the worst that could happen was she’d get no reply until morning, or whenever she wasn’t busy. She created a new message.

Me: Hey

KA: Hey, what’s up?

Me: Nothing

KA: Are you with your family?

Me: In bed now

Me: I mean we have separated for the night

KA: Right. How’s it going with them?

Me: Its ok

Me: Are you with your family?

KA: We’ve also separated. I’m sharing a room with a cousin

KA: Have you guys been doing a lot of talking?

Me: Not really

Me: Its ok

KA: Good. Do you know when you’ll be coming back?

Me: Not sure.

Me: Hows your family?

KA: In good health and spirits, and they’ve come to better terms with my work this year. Not as many criticisms and concerns

Me: That’s good

KA: I imagine yours have a lot of those at this point

Me: They haven’t said much

Me: About it

KA: If you haven’t been talking what have you been doing?

Me: I met a friend today

Me: To hang out

Me: Someone I used to be friends with.

KA: That’s good, it must’ve been nice to catch up

KA: What did you do together?

Me: Rode horses

Me: Went to a bar

KA: Omg Tobio you can ride a horse?

KA: I knew you were from a small town, but I didn’t know it was so rural

KA: I’m sorry if it sounded like I was laughing at you, I wasn’t and if anything I’m impressed

Me: It’s not hard I grew up doing it

KA: Cool

KA: Tobio I want you to know something

KA: Ok?

Me: Ok

KA: I’m proud of what you did. It takes guts to reconnect with people, and most people will continue to leave it alone because it’s the easier thing. You were brave to make the trip back there when you weren’t sure what would come of it. I’m glad things are ok.

Tobio ran her eyes over it again and again. She couldn’t do anything but breath, slow and deep. Shoyo might have been right. Maybe Keiji really did consider her a friend.

Me: Thank you

KA: Don’t mention it

Me: I just wanted to know how it was going. I’ll leave you alone now

KA: Sure, if you want

KA: I’ll see you soon Tobio

Me: Yeah

She set her phone aside and smiled into the pillow. It was a different kind of smile than the ones Shoyo instilled, but it was still connected to her in a way, as Tobio though the majority of her smiles probably were.

 

Her parents always attended Christmas Eve church, and had never intended to make an exception on Tobio’s account. She was careful to dress neutrally for the occasion, as she would be scorned and possibly thrown out for looking like a model from the city, but called out if she dressed true to her roots, after disassociating herself from them for so long. She wore a dark pleated skirt that cut off a little above her ankles, and a long-sleeve blouse with soft stripes, buttoned up well and tucked in. She had borrowed a pair of her mom’s flats. The outfit didn’t make a statement; it was unassuming, and for that, humbling.

She saw orange hair right away, but it was longer, Natsu’s. She sat on the right side of the aisle with her mother. Shoyo, she soon observed, was with her father on the left side. There was an unfamiliar minister sitting next to the pulpit. Tobio had been gone a long time.

When church was over and they filed down the aisle, Tobio had to keep meeting the eyes of people she didn’t care to smile or wave at, because she didn’t want to look away from Shoyo. She came out of the pew and Tobio saw what she wore with her brown boots, a maroon sweater dress with a thick vertical knitting. It flared out at her knees, and V’ed down her chest.

Something had definitely changed since high school when she was scrawny and had no sense of style to speak of. It must have been the farm work that toned up her shoulders so much; she had chosen a dress that was tight against their firmness. Those curves that she had sometimes been teased about—Well, they were in. Her bust had filled out too. Tobio, being in the industry she was, couldn’t help noticing figures, and that Shoyo had become quite womanly in hers. The wild hair that she had embraced and cut short completed the transformation. Of the two of them, Shoyo was the one who had changed on everyone.

“Hi.”

Shoyo said it to the couple on the end of Tobio’s pew. Then she looked between her parents, right at her friend, and smiled with a little wave. As Tobio got up and inched toward the back, she continued to keep her eyes on Shoyo in front of her. She wished she were more distinguished in her place with her. She wished she had gotten more in the greeting, in front of everyone, so they would see it. Usually it was people wanting to be connected to Tobio, but she had never gotten used to that, and she didn’t care about it, she just wanted to be seen with that little redheaded bombshell, that hard-working hard-nosed cowgirl. She wanted to follow her. But she didn’t.

Her parents took her home, and they opened gifts while they waited for dinner to finish. Tobio had a gift for each of her parents, and they had a large one for her. She opened the washing machine box and pulled out a suitcase set with a blue pattern.

“Maybe you can come to see us a little more often,” her dad said gently.

“I will.”

Neither of them had expected the reply, and in their surprise and joy she allowed them to hug her. When they went into the kitchen to pull everything off heat, Tobio took out her phone and opened her contacts, scrolling to a certain one.

It had been four years and nine months since she texted Shoyo. She had _received_ a number of texts in that timeframe, all deleted without being replied to. There was no reason for Shoyo to feel obligated to answer a message from her now, and really no reason for Tobio to send one, as they had been talking face to face recently. But she wanted to get past this thing, this block that she had created for herself.

What if Shoyo didn’t have the same number anymore? Or she had finally blocked Tobio? What if she had told her family, and they all knew what she had done? Was Shoyo only pretending to be cheerful for her sake, or because it was the holidays, while on the inside she couldn’t stand her?

She created a new message.

Me: Merry Christmas

Then her mom called her to dinner. Tobio left her phone in the other room on purpose, but thought of it all the while that she ate silently. Once she thought she heard vibrating; she forced herself to stay in the chair and appear focused on her parents’ conversation, but it kept humming in her ear. She offered to wipe dishes and forced herself to see the task to the end. Then she returned for her phone, and there was a message.

SH: Merry christmas 2 u tobio!!!

 

She woke up at 5:45 in the morning and felt perfectly rested. After looking at the time, she tried to get herself to fall back asleep anyway, but it was no good, in the knowledge that she could send a message to Shoyo and, once a reasonable hour struck, get a response. She sat up and grabbed her phone.

Me: I can’t go back to sleep

Me: If ur awake do u want to go for a walk?

Me: Or when u wake up

Me: If ur not doing something else

She scowled at her phone. She would have to go back to sleep, there was nothing else to do for the hours before she could expect—

SH: Of course tobio lets meet up!

She stared for a moment. Then she typed:

Me: Did the messages wake you up

SH: Its 14 degrees so u better wear something other than a ny fashion week coat!

Me: Ur a dumbass

SH: Do you want to meet me at my moms?

Me: K

SH: 😊

Twenty minutes later she parked her mom’s SUV on the street and watched Shoyo run down the driveway, all bundled up, face buried in a pink and white scarf. Tobio got out of the car and turned around, and there she was, grinning her cheeks into sugarplums.

“Merry Christmas! I can’t believe I get to say that to you!”

Tobio’s insides flashed hot with guilt. “Merry Christmas.”

Then Shoyo threw her mittens over her eyes.

“Ahhhh, Tobio, you’re not wearing any makeup, none at all.”

She scowled. “I never wore makeup in high school.”

“I know, that’s why it’s—That’s why—whaaaaah.”

She peeked over her mittens, smiling impossibly bigger. Tobio grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her face roughly against her shoulder.

“Dumbass.”

When they were in school this had been Tobio’s way of hugging her, pretending she was actually suffocating her, because to hug her would be out of character, but Shoyo always managed to do things that made Tobio want to do it. But they weren’t in school anymore, and instead of fighting to get away from her, Shoyo put her arms around her waist and hugged her properly. They were out in the cold, it was hardly light out, her former best friend was hugging her. This one was different than the one she had received in the noisy gym under the influence of all the initial surprise and excitement.

When Shoyo started to lift her head to look up at her, Tobio pushed her face away. The redhead squawked and swatted her arm. Then they started walking, looking at the Christmas lights that were still on.

“I have so many questions you haven’t answered yet,” Shoyo said. “There’s so much more to talk about.”

“Okay…”

“But that can be for later. What are you going to do today?”

“Just hang out.”

“When do you have to head back? Back to the city.”

“I’m not sure.”

Shoyo cocked her head. “Oh.”

“What are you going to do?”

“We have our Christmas meal at my mom’s at 3 o’clock, then I’ll take my sister out to my dad’s for the evening. Do you have any other relatives visiting?”

“No.”

Shoyo nodded aggressively. Then she smiled.

“What?”

“What?”

“What’s that face for?” Tobio said.

“Oh, nothing. Just, you really haven’t changed that much, considering all the stuff that’s different in your life. I like that. That you haven’t.”

“You have,” Tobio said. “Kind of.”

“What?” She laughed. “No I haven’t, I live in this same town, on the same farm, I have the same horse—”

“But your hair’s different. And—your—your build has changed.”

“Oh, well I got tired of fighting with it—Hey, I wasn’t talking about appearances! You’ve obviously changed a lot there, you dress completely differently, for one—”

“Because someone else picks out my clothes.”

“Well they haven’t been doing that while you’re here, have they? You just have different style. Or at least you own different options than you did.”

“But you’ve actually changed,” Tobio said, “Like—physical—your form. You walk the same and do everything the same but your—You’re different when you do it.”

“You can just say I’m not as thin as I used to be,” said Shoyo, rolling her eyes. “You’re a model, your existence itself insults me so you can just be up front with it.”

“It’s not like that, Shoyo, you know that isn’t what I meant. Being a model doesn’t automatically make me look down on people who aren’t built like me. Well, I mean, I’ve always looked down on you because you’re five-three.”

“That! That last part right there, you’re starting to almost say something nice and then you just have to go there.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Tobio said. “You didn’t grow up, but you grew other ways.”

“Out! You mean I grew out!”

“No! It’s—I meant—”

“Can we not talk about this anymore? This is not one of the conversations I was dying to have with you. In fact it was on the list of ones I never wanted to have with you.”

“Fine, but don’t be butthurt about it.”

“Fine, but then you can’t be weirded out by me stalking you on the internet. I mean, it wasn’t stalking, I was just—a loyal follower—Well either way you can’t be creeped out. I was friends with you and I just wanted to keep track of you. So I follow all the fan pages and I’ve read all the interviews and looked at all your professional photos, so I would know how you were doing. And I wanted to tell you before Natsu or somebody else convinced you that I have an obsession or something. So there.”

Tobio looked at her, and she held her gaze for a moment, then looked away.

“You’ve—seen all my photos?” Tobio said.

“Well I think so, the fan accounts I follow are pretty dedicated, so I don’t think I would have missed anything. You should post more of them yourself, though. It’s fun to get them right from the source.”

“I don’t like using those apps and stuff much.”

“Well you don’t have to if you don’t want. It’s just more special when you show us something you did because you’re proud of how it turned out, or because you had fun. It’s like more personal.”

Tobio shrugged to herself and they kept walking.

“You think I’m creepy don’t you.”

When she didn’t answer, Shoyo went off.

“Well at least you knew me, at least I was your friend at some point, I’m not just some random person like those guys at the bar. Even though since I’m a lesbian I do have a common interest with them, but it’s not just because I’m a lesbian and like your pictures, so don’t—don’t give me looks like that! I’m being honest with you, I should get credit for that.”

“I didn’t say anything one way or another, so will you shut up before you wake up the whole street?” Tobio said.

Shoyo puffed her cheeks and glared at her. She sighed.

“There’s another reason I watched you, too. I mean, kept track of you. Because…”

Tobio’s stomach knotted up again. She didn’t like this.

“I watched you so closely because I had to know…if you were involved with anyone. I wanted to know if there were ever any rumors about you dating someone or hooking up and whatnot.”

She really didn’t like this.

“I—I know you’ll think it was wrong of me, but I don’t think it was, I’m not ashamed to admit it, you were my friend and I still wanted to look out for you and I was still—possessive of you, even though you were so far away. I just—It was just how I felt, I couldn’t do anything about it. Sorry if you’re offended, but.”

Silence.

“I never heard any rumors,” Shoyo said, “But that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. You said no, you hadn’t, didn’t, whenever anybody asked you, but that could’ve just been for your own privacy. So, is it true there was never anyone?”

“It’s true.”

She felt Shoyo look at her, but she didn’t turn. Possessive, what could she mean by that? That was a big word, an important word, but in what way, she didn’t know. And had she actually said she liked her pictures because she was a lesbian? The nerves were everywhere now, little pricking knots, in her stomach and chest and throat.

“Tobio?”

Her eyes flickered to Shoyo for a second.

“Why didn’t you keep playing?”

Something hotter flared up above the nerves. Shoyo had stopped, and Tobio stepped back toward where she stood. She was glaring.

“I already answered and you said that answer was good enough, so why do you keep trying to get a different one?”

“I—Well it just seems like—”

“Obviously I haven’t said the right thing yet, so why don’t you just tell me what you want me to say?”

“No, that isn’t why I asked again!”

“I told you,” Tobio said, “I felt satisfied. I didn’t feel a need to play anymore, I’d done everything I could. Without you there anymore, there was nothing else I could do. And you gave it up too, so I should be able to ask you same the question. Why didn’t _you_ keep playing?”

“Wha—Tobio you know the answer to that! I couldn’t get into the same school as you, and you know I didn’t want to play against you anymore, it felt wrong and it just seemed better if you went on—”

“Well then you changed too. You were the one who wanted to meet me on the biggest stage. There was no option for you but to keep faking it until you made it. I got satisfied and you got discouraged.”

“I didn’t get discouraged! I just—Maybe I grew up too!” Tears were threatening now. “Maybe I said all that stuff when I was young and didn’t know myself, and when I grew up I knew it wasn’t the best thing for me, and that it was for you. So I did what was best for me, you’re going to criticize me for that?”

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d stop asking me.” She had eased up on her tone, sensing the hurt in Shoyo. “I wasn’t pushing anymore without you, I don’t know why but it just turned out that way, I guess because we played together so much in those four years and I just got too used to being together. That’s the whole truth, you know what no one else does. No one else would understand anyway.”

Shoyo rubbed her hands up and down her arms and sighed. “Sorry.”

Tobio shook her head.

They kept silently to themselves as they ascended the town’s biggest hill. There was a bench at the top. Shoyo sat on it and turned east.

“We can watch the sun rise from here, wouldn’t that be cool?”

Tobio sat next to her. The sun was already peeking, and there were brilliant orange streaks across the sky. They could finally see the snow-covered houses and plains properly. Tobio squeezed her gloved hands between her legs.

Pink bloomed from the orange. The colors sprayed over the white world, and just by looking at it the girls could feel the warmth the sun would wash over them when it finally woke up.

Shoyo was smiling at her.

“We shouldn’t spend time fighting when we don’t know how much longer you’ll be here.”

“It’s how we always spent our time, so we can’t really help it.”

She laughed. “But still, we have to try.”

The sun rose. For a minute the snow sparkled gorgeously, then it became too bright to look at. Tobio blinked at her lap, then squinted at the frosting roofs of the buildings below them.

“You stopped talking to me.”

She said it so mildly. That almost made it hurt more. Tobio stared down the snowy road.

“Did you have to do that?”

There was the question. But at least she had asked in a way Tobio could answer.

“No,” she said.

Shoyo dropped her head, and tears would inevitably follow, except that Tobio was taking off her gloves, and it distracted the redhead enough to keep them back. Tobio pressed her hands to her cheeks, her thumbs close to the corners of her eyes, tilted her head and kissed her. Shoyo’s eyelids fluttered shut, then back open as Tobio broke it off.

“It was the worst.”

Shoyo stared at her for a little. Then she said:

“I know.”

She put her hands on Tobio’s waist, and they pushed their lips together. A dizzying heat bathed their bodies, raising goosebumps and tingly shocks. Tobio sucked in air, and it was all the smell of her. Shoyo held them chest to chest, and Tobio’s hand slid around her neck. Shoyo’s tongue grazed her bottom lip and Tobio tilted farther, fitting them more solidly together. The sun could have already set, they would never have known that an age had passed around them as every thought they shared was of the warmth of their brushing cheeks, breaths on each other’s skin, and the forces that hit and splattered as their mouths met, like a wave peaking against a rock.

 

**Author's Note:**

> next fic coming in a day or two, final fic on New Year's Eve


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